glorious mind fuck
THATS FUCKING HOT
What he says: how do u know when lesbian sex is over???
What he means: I’ve never given a woman an orgasm ever in my life
*sips cup of tea at Starbucks* *puts down John Green book* *sighs* I guess I’m a little tumblr-famous. I got like… thirty notes on a WeHeartIt picture I reposted once. *shrugs* it’s whatever, though. I don’t let it go to my head
had me a blast
dick in my ass
i loved this part of Grease
loving an unpopular, small ship in a big fandom like
Client: Do you do lemonade?
Me: Do we do… lemonade?
Client: Yes, I was told you do that here.
Me: I’m sorry, this is a graphics and print shop.
Client: I know that. I’m not an idiot.
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to -
Client: Look If you can’t lemonade these papers for me then I’ll go somewhere else!
Me: Do you mean… laminate?
it snew today
i think i just busted vein from laughing so hard what the hell is snew an actual word
the post that ruined my life
me: horoscopes are fucking stupid if you believe that shit you’re a fucking—
horoscope: leos are sexy as hell
me: genius bruh these shits are real as fuck amazing how are they so on point all the time
okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu fainting mob and a lot of people were shouting
and the girl who’d originally fallen looked so fucking happy
my fall look today is winged eyeliner, plum lipstick, and a look on my face like i’m fucking your boyfriend and can’t wait for you to find out.
My fall look is simple liner with bold lashes, burgundy lipstick, a gleam in my eyes that let’s men know that I’ll suck their dick, their money out of their bank accounts, and the souls right out of their bodies.
this is my favorite post on tumblr currently